Happy Sostice

Melancholy musing

the days go by

i cease to cry

the loss of love

i fear not death but life in pain

i pray my life was not in vain

my dear ones stand beside me

i wish to be strong

to sing another song

soon i hope

UPDATE

I begin four days of chemo therapy on the Solstice and finish on Christmas Eve. I will do it outpatient and carry a small pump. 

 I send my love to all of you during this season of giving, of rebirth, and joy!

Acceptance

Sunrise at the beach

It has been a long time since I posted. Why? The treatments have weakened me physically and honestly I haven't felt like sharing. I have been fighting the pain, the lack of identity( that which we name ourselves...dancer, artist, athlete), and my dependence.

The body is only a garment. 

How many times you have changed your clothing in this life,

 yet because of this you would not say you have changed. 

Similarly when you give up this bodily dress at death you do not change. 

You are just the same, an immortal soul, a child of God.

P Yogananda

Today was my last radiation treatment and there is some regression of the tumor.  I will meet with the oncologist tomorrow to see what he suggests as the next step.

At this point I believe I have come to a place of acceptance...acceptance of what is. That includes the pain, the sleepless nights and the lack of energy to work. But with that comes a grace in the loving people who surround me, encourage me, pray for me, and nourish me. They bring with them smiles and stories and the gift of their time. I would be very selfish not to appreciate the abundance.

 There is a very good book that expresses this feeling much better than  I,

written by John Donahue called anam cara, 

or the unity of friendship that overcomes even death.

I have moved to a small apartment. My sister has been here for three weeks and has really helped me with the moving process. She spends time making nourishing soups, smoothies and juices as well as just being there for me and playing chauffeur.

My dear friend's husband bought an outdoor table and chairs and a lounge chair for the garden. There I can sit in the sun and watch the butterflies or doze. When it is warm, breakfast outdoors!
We have planted hanging pots of petunias and geraniums and a water crystal hangs reflecting the light. All in all, it is a beautiful outdoor space.

I will close the post here and wish you all my love and thanks.

 Live each day to its fullness and "don't sweat the small stuff!"

Tanza

Phoenix Rising

God is love and so is the human soul, being a spark of the same essence.

Where to begin...one week ago today, I visited a reputable oncologist on the advice of a friend. She pushed to get me an appointment as quickly as possible.

I had just returned from Europe as you know from the last post and a very painful back surgery which stabilised the decompression of my spine.

Two weeks back and my dear friend had me in the doctor's office. He gave me my options. That evening we went to the ER with his orders in hand and I found myself on the eighth floor oncology ward. Immediately a battery of tests were ordered and it literally has been nonstop. Long story short and several procedures later, I have begun radio-therapy and will continue five days a week for six weeks.

The cancer has spread to the bladder and the bones, so I have had stints placed through the kidneys to eliminate possible blockage as I undergo this therapy. The first surgery I had on Ralph's birthday and the second on mine.

As I was coming out of the recovery some good friends including clowns were there with balloons and cheer. I was quite out of it obviously, but the nurses and staff I am sure got a kick out of it. What a birthday celebration! My room is filled with lovely flowers and cards and every day my dear friends bring me good food as they know I reject the hospital trays. I am so blessed to have so many caring folks around me and if you are reading this you know how much I love you even if in my pain and sadness it doesn't always show.

Tomorrow I hope to be discharged...I will continue treatments as an outpatient. Although it has only been a week, it feels like months. I miss the sound of the birds and smells of my garden. Tonight there is a beautiful glowing pink sunset from my penthouse window to remind me that I made it through another day.

What now? I can't answer that question. One moment at a time. Thoughts and ways of being in life have shifted to another level. Simplicity, managing pain, trying to walk, to breathe, to be in a world that no longer carries the endless possibilities of dance and work. I can only trust in the universe that sustains us all and carry the faith that I have been given more time in this broken body for a reason. My love and inner knowledge that our life flows beyond this frail frame is boundless in spite of the pain and doubts and tears I have experienced in the past week.

A Muslim Saint says:

God created an embodiment of love.

For His glorification, His angels were quite enough.

To Guide the Way

Lighthouse in the morning

Amy and I will finally depart from Humlegaarden tomorrow, Monday 13 Sept. We fly to Paris and then take the train back to Argenton. We are both anxious for change , gudied by the light of unknowing.

We walk each day along the sea, I have been on the stationary bike 5K, and do some simple movement exercise. Mobility is limited front and back and lateral, but I able to pick up after myself again, carry dishes and little by litte the pain is easing. I will be able to do real therpy after three months, so I am looking at December for that.

I have learned how to give myself injections of helixor/iscador ( mistletoe) and other homeopathic tinctures for the immune system. I will be continuing this and vitamins and other treatments when I leave.

As the sun comes out after the rain, sparkling in the trees and dripping from the grand oak, I step out into the light of a new life. I don't know what the furture holds and I am learning to live quietly in the present, listening to the silent spaces in my body and in the environment around me. I have had to learn to accept the change in my body and I will admit I did not do it gracefully, but with many tears and restless questioning.

I am grateful for the healing time here, for the amazing generosity of the women that made it financially possible, as I have been given a gift of more time on the planet.

As I said, we will be traveling today, and Amy, as always will help me with luggage, packing and organising the journey.

PS Amy's latest post is a fun overview of where we have been staying. If you are interested:http://southofsabai.wordpress.com/2010/09/12/excursions-and-sightings/

Thank you for all your support.

Love and light

Tanza

Humlegaarden

Here it is the first week of September. I have been four weeks at Humlgaarden on the Baltic Sea. I am told we are very lucky that the weather has been calm and fair. Mornings, Amy and I walk to the sea and marvel at the hardiness of the Danish who come for an early morning dip.

Nearby is an ancient site full of energy in a woods guarded by old oaks and elms.

The clinic consists of a ring of apt/cottages and

a grassy lawn, well kept gardens, and a giant oak around the main building.

In the main buiding is the dining hall where we have three lovely vegetarian meals a day, a drawing room filled with eclectic art, antique furniture, a piano and a standing bass.

Dr Finn, often gives a lecture there in the evening on some for the therapies and their discovery.

Other small rooms are used for therapies which I won't discuss here as you can peruse their website if you are interested. http://www.humlegaarden.com/uk/index.html

As far as my health, After x rays and a ct scan it was decided that I needed radiation. . One afternoon they came a whisked us away to the hospital in Copenhagen and I met with an oncologist who ordered an MRI. Next thing we knew I was talking to the spine surgeon about emergency surgery or the result would be paralysis.

I was treated with decompression and instrumental fusion which basically means they cut me open from the L1 to TH11(that's a big scar!) Bye bye flexibility. I am learning a new kind of flexibility, letting go, grateful that I can walk.

After the first day post op, I did manage to get up and after five days in the hospital I was back at Humlegaarden with crutches, hobbling back and forth to the sea.

Today is the tenth day and the sutures have been removed and I am walking slowly on my own again.

Amy has been my constant companion and a joy to be with. She holds me up when I fall into the darkness, never judging, just gently there, her beautiful smile ready. She has helped me with vitamins, meds, carried my plates, endured many sleepless nights as I tossed in pain.

What more to say? We are waiting to get post op radiotherapy and I am patiently healing, making small exercises and therapies.

Each day is a challenge, I am doing some light and color therapy with music, resting in the sun when it is warm, reading, being still, sometimes I try to sketch. I think about the preciousness of life and how I stood on the threshold , but the door was closed and I have been given the gift of a new life. I think about painting and how new and wonderful that felt to me, laying a pallette, poster studies, painting light.

I don't know what will be and as Amy says, "One breath at a time..."

This I leave you with and an incredible emotion of love and gratefulness to the angels that have made this possible for me, for the prayers and emails of support, and the love and light that fuses the air around me because of all of you.

Blessings, Tanza

River of Tears and a Veil of Light

After a diagnostic test, a day in the hospital, I have news that the tumor has spread to the bladder and is now stage IV.

I have been in quite a lot of pain due to the kidneys and am getting weaker. Each moment and each silly little thing in my life suddenly shines out; a teapot, a piece of clothing, how the light dances on the water and reflects in the leaves of the trees like so many fairies. How precious is the human life and how sweet its foibles.

Last night when I returned to my lovely home, I cried a river of tears. I cried for myself, for the unbearable pain, I cried for the knowledge that this body is breaking down, for my attachment to Mother Earth, for the sadness I am causing, for not understanding this disease and I am trying to embrace all the tears as deep love.

Like so many times when one is without hope and in the darkness, a light shines dimly through the fog of despair. A wonderful lady, an angel offered financial help. I am now in a clinic in Denmark called Humlegaarden ( http://www.humlegaarden.com/)

where I am receiving daily care and treatments. It is a five minute walk from the Baltic sea where the water is clear, small summer cottages line the road and sailboats grace the horizon.

More on this wonderful place in the next post.

Love to all and thank you for your prayers and loving energy!

Tanza

The Dance of Life

fresh raspberries in the morning,

a bouquet of roses and lavender from the garden,

the bright sun of mid summer

the source of all life

Rumours are circulating that the dance is nearly over...and yes I stood on the threshold but I am still here learning, living every day.

Paul arrived last week at a particularly difficult time for me and gracefully and generously (yes even Paul can be graceful)stepped into the role of caregiver for a week as I recovered, feeding me, making juices and lovely fruit dishes.

My roses are blooming deep pink after an exciting thunderstorm that touched our little village.

Morning sunrises wake me and I walk along the river, surprised by the myriad of lifeforms. One morning I startled a blue heron, today I am amazed by the varieties of butterflies and moths on the purple thistle.

Thank you for all your prayers and support.

"...The physical form is but a tiny condensation of a much greater form...

As our cells are part of a greater whole, the body, so are we the cells with in a greater body, the Earth. She in turn is but a cell within the greater whole."

GOD I AM

No fears, just joy, joy of living the la vita bella, le beau vie. Please dance for me and remember the origin of all things is love. Where we go, what we do is not as important as how we be.

BE simply present and enjoy!

Enjoy walking the grass barefoot, singing loudly in the car, laughing with friends. It IS all so simple. Life isn't meant to be complicated, we make it so.

I LOVE YOU Always and Forever,

Tanza

Laughter

Speaking with my sister, Amy after a couple of particularly challenging days, she came up with this:

"So.... instead of a prayer circle, what you need is a laughter circle :) All the people who love you, holding you in their hearts with joy..."

After seven years of clowning in the hospital I know how healing laughter and lightness can be. Therefore my new idea is to collect funny stuff from you via internet, via mail, via telephone or just remember me with dance in your soul and laughter in your hearts. As one of my said tasks in all this is to ask for help, I appeal to you dear friends and family to take a moment to send something funny, silly, loving laughter. I actually feel absurd asking this and am smiling as I write.

I send it back to you

Tanza

My address :

31 rue St Georges

79150 Argenton les Valleés

FR

Summer Solstice

With the summer solstice comes a desire for contact with you via a new post.

I am back at la maison hirondelle in France, living quietly and stepping lightly. I have felt some discouragement as by now I had hoped that I would be heralding good tidings.

I thank you for all the loving support I received after my last post, I felt the energy and believe that through this network of love we can and will heal. The possibilities are unlimited if we step out of our boundaries a little, let go of the small stuff, and recognise the divine. That said, I am still in battle for my health. My body is fortunately very strong and I wake up every morning to the birdsong and light of day with the knowledge that I have been given a gift.

I am meeting with healers and doing a lot of inner work as well as continuing on a diet of whole foods.

I find one of the lessons I must learn is to ask for help. No one knows what I am going through and my stubborn independence is not helpful in a state of ill health. My neighbor has had her own battle with cancer and has been extremely helpful in this. She asked me to knock and ask for any help I might need. Why I find this difficult I don't know.

SO what remains to be said? that whatever happens it is for the best and I am thankful for this opportunity to learn, to explore, to understand my own emotions and how they affect and contribute to my state of well being. Therein lies the choice of viewing illness, pain, sad life events as bad and moan and complain about one's lot in life, or to move forward in loving, trusting, accepting, believing that the result is not as important as the process.

I close with a quote from Albert Einstein

"Nothing is inherently bad or good . Value is how we represent it to ourselves."

sunset from my window

PS I will send a new post of my work and the new studio space soon if you are interested.

www.la-maison-hirondelle.blogspot.com

Love and Light

Tanza

A request for Unity

I had an idea this morning after reading a book called Jungle Medicine by Connie Graud.

She is referring to the many tribal folk who came to see her, and check on her when she was healing. I quote:

" It dawned on me how, in a tribal society, the health of each member was of great importance, as each one contributed something of essential value. An unwell mother couldn't cook for her family. Injury to a hunter could mean insufficient meat for the group. If the shaman were incapacitated, there was no tribal doctor to deal with medical emergencies, and so on.

Back home when I was ill or injured, I took a pill, applied some kind of medication, put on a bandage and went back to work. And no one cared much one way or the other. Feeling this group care and support made me realise what a deprivation it s absence in modern culture truly is."

Now I know that everyone I send this to has their own health/emotional issues, but perhaps if we can by Internet (which is our tribal way of communication these days) reach out and ask for support it can be very easy.

What my request is simply this; that on Monday EST at noon you give me a minute or two of loving support, however you believe, prayer, good vibes, healing energy,etc. Focus on the pelvic

region of my body, but include the entire physical vehicle as I would like to occupy it for a few more years, paint, dance and send my thoughts to you.

It has been a learning experience to ask for help over these long months, but in the last few weeks, it has been pouring in, meeting old and dear friends, unconditional support from my longtime partner, financial gifts, and the never tiring support of my beautiful dancer/garden fairy who called me morning a and night. Weekly visits to the White Crane Healing Arts have been support and stability this winter of change.

What is receiving but giving the gift of gratitude and feeling overwhelming awe at the power of unity between beings?

This week I received the shock of losing someone near and dear who I will never see again on this plane, but she remains in my heart and soul as we are truly connected by light. I am reminded of the lyrics " Every time you go away, you take a little piece of me" I feel that a little piece of me goes with her on her journey.

In that I say, make each hour of your relationships count. Reach out even if you don't feel like it. When I was in the deepest darkness, I crawled inside myself and indulged in sadness and despair. We need to establish a unity as family, as people to heal ourselves and the planet. We cannot afford to whine and wallow. Precious is the love you share, deepen it, don't feel that others don't want to help because they do!! I say this as much for me as for anyone who cares to listen.

SO if you remember and a have the inclination, think of me Monday 12 noon EST

I think that is 9am PST, 6 pm in France, 7 am in Hawaii, 6 am Thailand. If I err, well, sort it out on your end and we do what we can.

we can. It will be like a group hug.

Blessings and many thanks

Tanza

The Invincible Warrior

Brilliance

" The very gradualness of the development makes it necessary to have perseverance-for perseverance alone prevents slow progress from dwindling into nothing." I Ching

It has been a long while since I posted, mainly because I just haven't felt like it. I am still here and wake every morning with gratefulness for the sun and my hungry cat!

I am getting stronger after a bout with weakness perhaps caused by the extremes of the vegan diet or perhaps simply by my inability to manage to feed myself enough. I did some blood tests with a biochemist and he recommended some supplements and to add more fats to my diet. From there I found an organisation called Westin Price http://www.westonaprice.org/. I got in touch with some folks locally who sell free range/ grass fed meat, eggs, raw milk and cheese as well as being well informed and friendly.

Raw milk is not legally sold for human consumption in the US so it is "for pet use only". Well my cat will not drink pasteurised milk but he practically crawls into the refrigerator for the thick creamy fresh milk!

I found that chickens are not naturally grain eaters, they prefer insects and grasses and that when it says' free range' on the box of eggs, it is possible that the chickens have a small space outside of the pen.

I will not go into more because if you are interested, I suggest that you peruse the website, find a local group near you and educate yourself! We have gotten so far from what is natural. Especially if you have children, look into this.

The biochemist, also a wonderful person said that I must become an Invincible Warrior, hence the title if the blog. What does this suggest to me?

Don't give up, lots of deep breathing, remember to love and love some more.

rely on friends and family and accept help

arm against unnecessary emotions and depressions

go onto the battlefield prepared and strong; good food, supplements, positive thinking, meditations, visualisations, thankfulness

believe that the path is clear and trust in spiritual guidance

All for now. Love and Blessings, Tanza

Vernal Equinox 2010 Detox III

Happy Spring! I am so grateful for the sun. Today I actually got out into the garden and weeded and potted some basil. The sun was warm and the breeze cool, I believe that spring is finally here!

What a cold winter it has been.

I had an eventful week last week in that I met with a wonderful woman Jill Ayn Schneider www.circle-of-life.net She has been an inspiration for me from the beginning of my diagnosis, sand this was the first time I had the opportunity to visit with her.

I had my second meeting with Dr. Morse in Port Charlotte, who suggested it is time for a 10 - day detox fast. I began Thursday with fresh grapes, grape juice and teas. He calls it the "top of the mountain" detox, fast. These last three days I have been sipping a home squeezed-lemonade as well as taking the herbs and supplements. Sunday I will add more fruits and little by little reintroduce veggies. It is not so easy for me to write this as it has been quite difficult but has also been a great learning experience, physically, mentally and emotionally.

I won't dwell too much on the particulars of the fast, but I do wish say thank you to those that have stayed beside me in my little yin world that I have wrapped around me like a cloak. I am especially grateful for my dear friends at White Crane Healing Arts www.whitecranehealingarts.com for continued support, humor and guidance!

What I prefer to speak of here is the enormous grace and love that comes with being so powerless. Forced to slow down and be present, I spent the week quietly reading, watching films, breathing, listening and hanging like a cocoon in the hammock. I have had lots of contemplative time to examine my relationship with mySelf and the world around me.

It is with age that wisdom comes. How do you teach the value of taking care of one's self? I will pass along what have learned, and that is to study Nature. Processed foods and packaged products are not meant for our consumption( don't tell the marketers that!). If we insist on fresh vegetables and fruit, the supply will increase and prices will go down. That aside, eating organically in the end is cheaper...medical bills and even alternative health professionals can be more that one is able to spend. Fresh fruit and veggies can be energising. Study, read the labels, stay away from sugar and denatured foods. It can be an adventure in eating. Teach your children well. Retraining and reconditioning is important to create new eating habits, the body loves habits...make them good ones! Eat only when hungry and don't overeat. oooo

This is sounding a bit like a lecture now ......

I did say I would pass along what I have learned which is; there is so much more to health than food, happiness and acceptance living without judging trust be present LOVE listen and be still weakness can be powerful illness can be a gift detoxification is crucial and more stay tuned!

Blessings, Tanza

Ruminations on Impatience

Bamboo- symbol of flexibility


It has been quite a while since I posted, but it is not for lack of thoughts to share, but perhaps for the fact that sometimes I prefer to keep to myself. As an animal healing, it is often easier not to expend too much energy.

I am finding that in spite of the fact that I have allowed myself this time for inactivity and inertia, I am still beset by that companion, impatience. This character in my life drama surfaces when I sit quietly, when I prepare food, when I am waiting for someone/something, reaching for a goal... in an hour, tomorrow, next year, and so on. The

true goal is now, a simple truth and an obvious one, but we strive to ignore it and look for a future happiness, a future unknown. We reach for a coffee, tea, the popular liver killer red bull to keep going instead of making the mind-body connection that might actually inspire one to rest, be still and listen, and find that there is no rush, now-here to go. Quiet sitting often has an energising and certainly an illuminating quality that lifts us closer to that eternal now.

This companion called impatience is perhaps best reflected in these familiar phrases, "I am so tired of..."

"I can't wait for..." "It is taking so long.." I have too much to do.." I don't have the time..." Can we be aware and eliminate some of this mental posturing? The method Silva calls it mental house-cleaning and in reference to one's health includes such phrases as "It/she/he gives me a headache/pain.." (I am sure you can think of others) with the idea that we create with our thoughts our daily path.

Abundance

Some of you have asked why I shaved my head and how is my diet? This I will share with you. As part of the detox, and in solidarity with all cancer sufferers I made a clean cut. I really enjoyed the feeling, but it is quite cold and it has begun to grown in soft tufts of white and black. Oh there we go, now I must reveal the fact that middle age is this crazy feeling in this culture of youth and beauty that is literally only skin deep, a dye, a cut, a derma-brasion away. I embrace the fact that I am beautifully salt and pepper, and will not put chemicals on my skull again.

My diet is abundant with fruits and vegetables. Now the citrus are in season, sweet fresh squeezed orange and grapefruit juices are desirable. Papayas are prolific in the garden, and I just finished that last of the pile of green coconuts. To eat the latter, I chop the top off with a hatchet and drain the sweet milk, then cut the husk and shell in half and scrape the sweet meat to combine with any number of smoothies. I particularly like it with the papaya or watermelon in the morning. What is left goes to the squirrels. We found a winter avocado tree, small round hard shelled but delicious, so I had luscious avocado dressing on my salads.

Salads are full of raw veggies such as spinach, celery, carrot, spring onion, sun chokes, radishes, parsley, cilantro, whatever there is in the organic market and lots of fresh sprouts. I do try to eat as much as I can organic.

Sprouts are easy. I found a box of Mason jars at our local supermarket chain and in the section with sponges,etc, I found cheesecloth. I cover the bottom of the jars with sprouting seeds, lay a thin piece of the cheese cloth on top of the jar and secure it with the rim of the lid. Then I rinse them with filtered water, drain thoroughly and turn them upside down on a drying rack. That is it. Then all you have to do is rise and drain them twice a day. Once they sprout, you can store them in the fridge and they last several days. I had to experiment a little to get the quantity that I would use. The tendency at first was to make too much.

I invite other cancer patients to write to me and share their journey because I do believe there is not one way of healing. We are all intrinsically individuals, jewels on the web and each of us has a unique view point and perceptions of our own. Pain is personal, thought provoking, and often unspeakable, but sharing is a sweet golden gift. I thank my dear friends that have been sharing this journey with me.

"..on the whole this world is a very anxious one. whether you are happy are sad, whether you are exuberantly joyful or miserable, it's still an anxious world we are living in. According to Buddhist tradition, anxieties can be transformed into mindfulness and awareness. Anxiety itself can be a reminder, a nudge that keeps waking us up again and again. It is up to us whether we try to get rid of that reminder and make everything smooth, beautiful and fantastic, or whether we try to make the world into a training ground to learn more, which I suggest is preferable." Chogyam Trungpa

LINKS and Detox stage II

I have been thinking about links. I promised a friend that I would send her a link (below) and we all regularly send electronic links for a fav website or u tube video. The word is a special one because we are all linked to each other, to this rock that lives and breathes that we call Planet Earth, and all its myriad of life forms.

Many are the ways to create a link and many are the ways to break one. Regardless of your beliefs, the link of the life-energy is the most powerful and is maintained through the all pervasive Love that supports and empowers us; this I send as my Valentine.

Life is wonderful

Valentine's Day is one of my favorite celebrations (What better than to celebrate love!) and February one of the best months down here in So. Florida because it is still cool, yet warm enough to have a garden and go barefoot.

As this blog is about my path of healing, I fear that I have side tracked a little and some of you have asked about my diet, etc. Well diet consists of not only what we eat, but what we consume daily in our lives; news, videos, visual input/ output, our breath, traffic.....you get the picture. (Nov 4, 2009 post describes my initial diet) I have made some changes, spend my mornings quietly, reading and breathing....wow ! I am breathing!!! keeping my life simple for now, eating and preparing organic live food. I am sprouting daily and love the taste, radish, lentil, alfalfa, fenugreek, and sesame. My garden is beginning to produce greens, I ate fresh arugula and spring onions in my salad today. I make a dressing with olive oil, umboshi plum, and sometimes I add some fresh herbs. .

I visited a Naturopath this week in the lovely town of Port Charlotte on the west coast of Florida. It is about a two and 1/2 hour drive. The beaches are clean over there ( the east coast has been compromised by civilisation!) and still have the white sands that feel so soft and lovely on one's bare feet. The day was a beautiful winter day that warmed up to 70 F by mid day. A very good friend came with me and we perused Suzanne Somers book Breakout on the drive up. She strongly advocates bio identical hormone therapy.... *more on that later.

hibiscus

The office of Dr Robert Morse is cheerful and the staff is happy. It is clean and painted with colorful flowers. He sat with us for over two hours explaining about the cells and how they function in the body and what they need within the two basic systems, blood and lymph.

I have been on an alkaline diet since my diagnosis in October, eating organic green juices which I juice myself, and salads as well as taking supplements. I still eat no meat, breads, milk, or refined sugar of any kind.

I will not go into all the details of his assessments of my state of health, but on his recommendation, I have added fruits, fresh and organic to flush out my kidneys and I will try to eat all raw for the next four weeks.

If I find it gets too cold, I will add a cooked sweet potato or make a warm broth with the left over roughage from the green juices (I add water and steam it for a few minutes then strain the roughage out and add some sea vegetables which I steam for an other few minutes, maybe adding daikon, green onions or leeks. I am still resting quite a lot as my body won't let me maintain the schedule I had become accustomed to, but slowly I intend to regain/ regenerate a clean healthy energy

"Nature uses detoxification as its main source of cleaning impurities. This is the only true way to heal and cure yourself of anything."

This is the link to his website: (http://www.godsherbs.com/)

*When I asked him about bio identical hormones, he said something that I think we need to consider. Once you start supplementing your body with artificial hormones, the body will quit making them. Perhaps it is better to strengthen the cellular tissues naturally, clean the lymphatics, and trust nature. I will do more research on this, and if any of my readers have feedback, I will certainly be happy to hear what you think or have experienced. I welcome any questions you have and thank you for all the support.

I close with a quote from Dr. Morse's workbook,

"Your physical body is an organic, carbon based being. It is an expression of the awareness and the consciousness of God. It expresses itself and is maintained and repaired via over 76 trillion cells or units (states) of awareness.

Happy Valentine's Day

Share your Love !

Tanza

Walking

This week we had a cold spell. How we all complained!! ... we are not accustomed to heaters and heavy jackets and shoes and socks. Nights were in the thirties(F) and even my cat stayed indoors. My sister Nina came down from Pennsylvania and found it quite a nice change from below zero.

We had a nice couple of days together including a trip to Butterfly world where even the butterflies had been kept indoors and were slowly being reintroduced to the atrium as the weather began to warm. Today it is back in the 70's F and feels great! Our conversations circled around healing emotional and physical hurts and taking charge.

Why is it after a crisis I feel the need to speak? Perhaps those are the days we make the most progress, perceiving a dark cloud in ones mind and finding a way through it to the light again. I have been resting a lot and my past active non-stop personality jumped in and criticised my indolence or what I have been defining as inertia.

Inertia:

Origin1705-15 Latin : lack of skill, slothfulness

Synonyms: torpor, inaction, laziness

Physics.

The property of matter by which it retains its state of rest or its velocity along a straight line so long as it is not acted on by an external force.

LORIKEETS "It is the child that sees the primordial secret in Nature and it is the child or ourselves we return to. the child within is simple and daring enough to live the Secret" LAO-TZU I prefer the definition of retaining its state of rest along a straight line, but my crazy head calls me inactive and lazy, closer to the 17 century definition. Regardless, today is a new day and I began by a walk in the hood. It is a clear cool winter morning Florida style and I observed the big ficus trees wrapped around themselves, the live oaks, two entwined as one, and picked a small bouquet of fresh fragrant jasmine, juxtaposed in between an old fence and the trash along the alley where I chose to walk. The idea to walk this bright morning came from Julia Cameron's book The Vein of Gold. Maybe some of you know her from The Artists Way. Her task is to walk daily 20 minutes. Try it?

Poem

Happy New Year! 2010 has arrived and with it, the celebration of hope and optimism for all things prosperous and beneficial to Nature. We are but a small part yet must inevitably play a large part in her regeneration and healing.

This blog I dedicate in gratitude to all the wonderful people who have been encouraging me. Through your prayers dear friends, sisters and mothers, I find solace and strength. What follows is a poem that was sent to me, and was written by a Celt, John O’Donohue.

I found it deeply resonated with many of my initial emotions and thoughts. If you care to take the time to read it, You will also find two beautiful poems about blessings http://elspeththompson.wordpress.com/

I don't wish to fill the space with more

words, so for now,in the words of the Incredible String Band.

" May all love shine upon you"

JOHN O'DONOHUE

Poet, Philosopher

On the occasion of his official opening of

The art collection of Inis Aoibhinn

Cancer Care West - Residence and Support Centre

Friday 14th September 2007

For a Friend on the Arrival of Illness.

Now is the time of dark invitation.


Beyond a frontier you did not expect,


Abruptly your old life seems distant.


You barely noticed how each day

Opened a path through fields never questioned,


Yet expected deep down to hold treasure.


Now your time on earth becomes full of threat,


Before your eyes your future shrinks.


You lived absorbed in the day-to-day,


So continuous with everything around you 


That you could forget you were separate.


Now this dark companion has come between you


Distances have opened in your eyes


And you feel that against your will


A stranger has married your heart.


Nothing before has made you feel 
So isolated and lost…

When the reverberations of shocks subside in you


May grace come to restore you to balance.


May it shape a new space in your heart


To embrace this illness as a teacher


Who has come to open your life to new worlds.


May you find in yourself a courageous hospitality


Towards what is difficult, painful and unknown.


May you learn to use this illness as a lantern 


To illuminate the new qualities that will emerge in you.


May the fragile harvesting of this slow light 


Release whatever has become false in you.


May you trust this light to clear a path


In all the fog of old unease and anxiety,


Until you feel arising within you a tranquillity


Profound enough to call the storm to stillness.

May you find the wisdom to listen to your illness 


Ask it why it came, 


Why it chose your friendship,


Where it wants to take you,


What it wants you to know,


What quality of space it wants to create in you,


What you need to learn to become more fully yourself,


That your presence may shine in the world.


May you keep faith with your body,


Learning to see it as a holy sanctuary


Which can bring this night wound


Gradually towards the freedom and healing light of dawn.

May you be granted the courage and vision


To work through passivity and self-pity,


To see the beauty you can harvest 


From the riches of this dark invitation.


And may you learn to receive it graciously,


And promise to learn swiftly that it may leave you newborn


Willing to dedicate your time to birth.

Go raibh mile maith agaibh.