It has been quite a while since I posted, but it is not for lack of thoughts to share, but perhaps for the fact that sometimes I prefer to keep to myself. As an animal healing, it is often easier not to expend too much energy.
I am finding that in spite of the fact that I have allowed myself this time for inactivity and inertia, I am still beset by that companion, impatience. This character in my life drama surfaces when I sit quietly, when I prepare food, when I am waiting for someone/something, reaching for a goal... in an hour, tomorrow, next year, and so on. The
true goal is now, a simple truth and an obvious one, but we strive to ignore it and look for a future happiness, a future unknown. We reach for a coffee, tea, the popular liver killer red bull to keep going instead of making the mind-body connection that might actually inspire one to rest, be still and listen, and find that there is no rush, now-here to go. Quiet sitting often has an energising and certainly an illuminating quality that lifts us closer to that eternal now.
This companion called impatience is perhaps best reflected in these familiar phrases, "I am so tired of..."
"I can't wait for..." "It is taking so long.." I have too much to do.." I don't have the time..." Can we be aware and eliminate some of this mental posturing? The method Silva calls it mental house-cleaning and in reference to one's health includes such phrases as "It/she/he gives me a headache/pain.." (I am sure you can think of others) with the idea that we create with our thoughts our daily path.
Abundance
Some of you have asked why I shaved my head and how is my diet? This I will share with you. As part of the detox, and in solidarity with all cancer sufferers I made a clean cut. I really enjoyed the feeling, but it is quite cold and it has begun to grown in soft tufts of white and black. Oh there we go, now I must reveal the fact that middle age is this crazy feeling in this culture of youth and beauty that is literally only skin deep, a dye, a cut, a derma-brasion away. I embrace the fact that I am beautifully salt and pepper, and will not put chemicals on my skull again.
My diet is abundant with fruits and vegetables. Now the citrus are in season, sweet fresh squeezed orange and grapefruit juices are desirable. Papayas are prolific in the garden, and I just finished that last of the pile of green coconuts. To eat the latter, I chop the top off with a hatchet and drain the sweet milk, then cut the husk and shell in half and scrape the sweet meat to combine with any number of smoothies. I particularly like it with the papaya or watermelon in the morning. What is left goes to the squirrels. We found a winter avocado tree, small round hard shelled but delicious, so I had luscious avocado dressing on my salads.
Salads are full of raw veggies such as spinach, celery, carrot, spring onion, sun chokes, radishes, parsley, cilantro, whatever there is in the organic market and lots of fresh sprouts. I do try to eat as much as I can organic.
Sprouts are easy. I found a box of Mason jars at our local supermarket chain and in the section with sponges,etc, I found cheesecloth. I cover the bottom of the jars with sprouting seeds, lay a thin piece of the cheese cloth on top of the jar and secure it with the rim of the lid. Then I rinse them with filtered water, drain thoroughly and turn them upside down on a drying rack. That is it. Then all you have to do is rise and drain them twice a day. Once they sprout, you can store them in the fridge and they last several days. I had to experiment a little to get the quantity that I would use. The tendency at first was to make too much.
I invite other cancer patients to write to me and share their journey because I do believe there is not one way of healing. We are all intrinsically individuals, jewels on the web and each of us has a unique view point and perceptions of our own. Pain is personal, thought provoking, and often unspeakable, but sharing is a sweet golden gift. I thank my dear friends that have been sharing this journey with me.
"..on the whole this world is a very anxious one. whether you are happy are sad, whether you are exuberantly joyful or miserable, it's still an anxious world we are living in. According to Buddhist tradition, anxieties can be transformed into mindfulness and awareness. Anxiety itself can be a reminder, a nudge that keeps waking us up again and again. It is up to us whether we try to get rid of that reminder and make everything smooth, beautiful and fantastic, or whether we try to make the world into a training ground to learn more, which I suggest is preferable." Chogyam Trungpa
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