Sunrise at the beach
It has been a long time since I posted. Why? The treatments have weakened me physically and honestly I haven't felt like sharing. I have been fighting the pain, the lack of identity( that which we name ourselves...dancer, artist, athlete), and my dependence.
The body is only a garment.
How many times you have changed your clothing in this life,
yet because of this you would not say you have changed.
Similarly when you give up this bodily dress at death you do not change.
You are just the same, an immortal soul, a child of God.
P Yogananda
Today was my last radiation treatment and there is some regression of the tumor. I will meet with the oncologist tomorrow to see what he suggests as the next step.
At this point I believe I have come to a place of acceptance...acceptance of what is. That includes the pain, the sleepless nights and the lack of energy to work. But with that comes a grace in the loving people who surround me, encourage me, pray for me, and nourish me. They bring with them smiles and stories and the gift of their time. I would be very selfish not to appreciate the abundance.
There is a very good book that expresses this feeling much better than I,
written by John Donahue called anam cara,
or the unity of friendship that overcomes even death.
I have moved to a small apartment. My sister has been here for three weeks and has really helped me with the moving process. She spends time making nourishing soups, smoothies and juices as well as just being there for me and playing chauffeur.
My dear friend's husband bought an outdoor table and chairs and a lounge chair for the garden. There I can sit in the sun and watch the butterflies or doze. When it is warm, breakfast outdoors!
We have planted hanging pots of petunias and geraniums and a water crystal hangs reflecting the light. All in all, it is a beautiful outdoor space.
I will close the post here and wish you all my love and thanks.
Live each day to its fullness and "don't sweat the small stuff!"
Tanza
