This first post I send to my family and wish to thank all ....five sisters and a mother as well as my many sisters that did not grow up in my large warm household, but hold my hand and heart from wherever they are. To you my dear ones I send my deepest love and gratitude

Nov. 2, 2009

France

I have begun walking a new path, on my 54th birthday I was diagnosed with

epidermoid carcinoma (EH-pih-DUR-moyd KAR-sih-NOH-muh) .

Cancer that begins in squamous cells (thin, flat cells that look like fish scales). Squamous cells are found in the tissue that forms the surface of the skin, the lining of the hollow organs of the body, and the lining of the respiratory and digestive tracts. Also called squamous cell carcinoma. Squamous cell carcinoma (SCC) is the most common type of cervical cancer, accounting for 85% to 90% of all cases. It develops from the cells that line the inner part of the cervix, called the squamous cells. It usually begins where the part of the cervix that connects with the vagina (called the ectocervix) meets the part of the cervix that opens into the uterus (called the endocervix). These are the definitions that I have found. I have a tumor 6cm on the neck of the cervix It is "inoperable" because of the size. What does this mean? My life feels the same, but somehow something has shifted in my perceptions. Aware that my focus has to be on healing and understanding my options...well it is not the common cold or a virus it is the big "C" word! I am spending quite a lot of time researching the internet, thinking, asking questions. Of course there is the big rather selfish one" did I do something wrong?" this is not an option as what is, is. I must go from where I am right now. I can't go back and question the doctor that recommended birth control when I was 17. Read the small print "may cause cervical cancer" but I can put it in this blog and hope that someone may read it and change her mind about putting estrogen in her body that is not produced naturally! When I say selfish it is because this is not just about me. Daily women are being being cut, burned and radiated . Yesterday I had dinner with friends and one of the women had been diagnosed with breast cancer. I will keep a diary here of my path and perhaps some thoughts to share. I have decided to do this because when I did some research, I found only one website that was positive and gave me the impetus to seek alternative methods of healing. Whether readers think this is the right choice of not is not an issue for me, it is my choice.