Happy Holidays

Blessings and Joy

I wasn't really sure where to post this or if I should just send a group email, but this format is simpler to post photos and write my rambling thoughts. The subject also seems to be in sinc with healing, forgiveness and understanding and maybe even New Years resolutions(?) So here I am again.

I have been doing a lot of thinking and reading and meditation. Years ago I took a workshop with a Slovenian artist named Marko Pogacnik, who leads seminars in earth healing.

Sometimes I think that we tend to blame our illnesses on our toxic environment and if we improve the quality of our food, water, air, etc we will not have so much disease. Yes this is most likely true, but sometimes I feel quite helpless in the face of the overwhelming facts of global warming and where do I/ can I help. I do believe that it is the individual that creates change. I have been revisiting the teachings of Pogacnik and came across this bit, which I would like to share.

This is a passage from his book which I found inspiring, a little different and immediately accessible:

If more and more people find inner peace and attunement with their true Selves, the resulting healing energy will necessarily have an effect on planetary life systems. Earth-healing processes are stimulated even if nothing specific has been undertaken in this respect. This feedback process, which is based on the law of macro-microcosmic resonance, is the reason I am convinced that embarking on a process of personal transformation is the most important contribution towards earth healing we can make. It is also the most democratic; no one can worm their way out of it by claiming ignorance of earth healing. It is simply down to the way we treat our own bodies, thoughts and emotions. None of us can escape this responsibility for all of life and, to put it the other way around, we can all contribute in our own unique way towards healing the earth.

From Healing the Heart of the Earth

Beautifully put and has quite exciting possibilities don't you think?

from the garden

Today I met a man named Raoul who opened a raw food restaurant with his wife called Green Wave.

http://www.greenwavecafe.org/

He took the time to talk to me and in that conversation I became so convinced that I have chosen not only the right path for healing but that this is truly a new and trans formative path. Also I had a delicious salad and saw possibilities of new recipes for tasty energising food. His wife gives classes in raw food preparation.

I wish you all a healthy and happy holiday season, take time and take care

Tanza

Storm

Hello friends and family,

It is time to post something of my life back in the fast lane. Storm is my constant companion and yesterday when I had a little melt down he gazed into my eyes like he knew.

Lucky me to have such a loving soft boy. ok I know I feed him on demand, but it is his main pleaseure other than sleeping. Oh how we can learn from animals!

Speaking of feeding, I am still on a vegy diet and really enjoy the challenge of varying the salads and drinks. I started sprouting. Everyone should sprout. It is so easy, so nutritious and delicious.

I continue on the cancer protocol of MMS morning and night and have added some vitiamin and mineral supplements.

As healing is not just a diet I am working on changing my lifestyle and lower the stress level which is not easy in this environment. I am still adjusting to the traffic, noise and apparent lack of human interaction in our daily lives. I am learning breathing, deep into my organs and spend more time in simple quiet between work. I have to learn how to manange my energy and still be able to do what I do which at times can be strenous and demanding.

The meltdown was just such a problem. I worked all weekend and Monday did not allow my body to recover, how easy it was to fall into old patterns of pushing myself instead of stopping and enjoying a good rest curled up in the garden like my cat!

The new pattern is emerging however, one of joy in the richness of time, of enjoying chopping and preparing holistic (whole) foods, living without rushing, listening, gardening, being.

Please continue with your prayers and healing thoughts because I am convinced that there is great power in love and faith, it is by grace we are here.

ginger

I was regretting the past and fearing the future.

suddenly God was speaking.

"My Name is I AM"

I waited.

God continued

" When you live in the past,

with its mistakes and regrets,

it is hard. I am not there.

My name is not 'I Was'

When you live in the future,

with its problems and fears,

it is hard,

I am not there

My name is not 'I Will Be'

When you live in this moment,

it is not hard.

I AM here.

My name is 'I AM'."

Love, Tanza

Happy Thanksgiving!

Good Morning from So Florida! After two days of thundershowers and rain, this morning, the day of giving thanks, the sun is brilliant, the plants are rejoicing and the birds are singing.

I have been back in my little cottage and garden since Saturday morning, re-integrating into the American culture, the noises of traffic, and of course the time change.This morning I slept until 7:30a.m, so the lag in time is lessening. I've even begun to weed and clear out the neglected garden!

I got booked on a last minute gig as Pocohantas:) for a Thanksgiving dinner at a nice hotel. Great to be working! I am thankful for that!

I have had one day this week when I felt doubts as to my choice in healing, but I cannot afford to fall into indolence and self indulgence. The path is clear before me. Traveling weakened my system somewhat and that weakens me emotionally too, so I am concerned now with rebuilding and strengthening.

I visited the White Crane Healing Arts, and got lots of new information on preparing sea vegetables, and as I type this I am enjoying a clear kombu broth soup with carrots and daikon, garnished with spring onions. yum.

Meditation is a main staple of my diet (everything we do is in a sense is consuming, digesting, processing..)as well as learning to breathe with my whole body.

I am also still doing research and have found some things that I would like to share and that might be of interest on this blog.

"Stress is the major root cause of cancer and must be reduced and elininated"

There it is; Joy, Thank full ness, Appreciation, really Look, Listen and care for those around you.

Forgiveness is essential and I find that a daily task on this path of life. I can get very judgemental and resentful at times when things aren't exactly as I think they should be. But guess what, the Divine has a master plan that we are all a part of, and I know from experience that what seems like blessing may be a curse and what seems like a curse may be a blessing!!

"The most common stress on the body is eating and abusing harmful foods. Health begins with what you eliminate from your diet, not with what you add.....

Cancer can come only alive and grow in a body that is lacking oxygen"

www.Paul Nison.com

The reason I think for eating raw veggies, sea veggies and sprouts is that they contain chlorophyll (Chlorophyll enables plants to convert the sun's energy into nutrients that can be used by living organisms and is similar to the hemoglobin in human blood)

Changing the way of thinking and living is part of the healing process and if I can give you one thing it would be enjoy everything you do.

As a final note I found this little gem. I like the imagery it gave me and also I think one should be wary of mammograms. Educate yourself.

Cancer was named by the ancients, after the great veins that usually surround the malignant growth, who compared them to the "claws of a crab" or "cancer" (Latin). - Reich

Editor's note: These great veins carry glucose to the cancer site. Also, the increased blood flow to the cancer creates a "hot spot" that is the basis for "thermography" which can see cancer years before "mammography". Mammography looks for the increased density of tumors. Thermography is a much more gentle procedure that does not require squashing the breasts (contributes to breast sagging), nor does it expose the breasts to cancer-causing radiation, making it much safer than mammography. Modern high-resolution thermography devices are much more accurate and reliable than mammography. For initial screening, thermography should replace mammography everywhere immediately.

Especially today I would like to thank those of you who have kept in touch through little notes and calls. The smile is by my computer. How truly blessed I am to receive them. Forgive my selfishness if I don't always respond, but I do feel deeply your love and am grateful for your continued support.

Blessings, Tanza

Step by Step

Monday Nov.9

Today I discovered Suzanne Somer's blog which I share with you here. She speaks about a chemosensitivity test. important?

I would say so!

http://www.suzannesomers.com/Blog/2009/10/default.aspx

Information is our greatest protection. My wonderful acupuncturist/Taoist friend said to me, "Tanza, you must take responsibility for your body/health"...or something like that. And of course like always, he manages to say the right thing.

That is my goal, to take responsiblility for the decisions that I make daily, hourly, in regard to my thoughts, my way of being, what I consume and how much.

I will pay attention when I need rest, listen when that little bubble of joy comes and focus on making it grow, like trying to blow a big soap bubble and it keeps popping, I will persevere until I get the biggest bubble you've ever seen!

You ask me if I am sad or afraid with the diagnosis, I would say to you that a broken heart is much more debilitating..

."who needs a heart when a heart can be broken...what's love got to do with it?"

Yet now even with all the different thoughts that are roaming around in my brain like a restless monkey, I feel my heart opening to a greater love, a deeper understanding of the ways of being, each moment an opportunity to learn, to grow, to become. We are not separate and we all suffer from these dis-eases, as the planet is suffering. Perhaps cancer is an opportunity to understand our role in shaping a clean non toxic earth, an opportunity to practice our response-ability, to listen to our inner voice and live truly.

Tuesday Nov. 10

I went to the cancer center today to pick up all the results of the tests today; one of them being the pet scan.(Positron emission tomography). I saw the pictures, quite amazing the body, the brain, the heart and there is the tumor in the shape of a heart.

(If the biologically active molecule chosen for PET is FDG, an analogue of glucose, the concentrations of tracer imaged then give tissue metabolic activity, in terms of regional glucose uptake.)(FDG, as a glucose analog, is taken up by high-glucose-using cells such as brain, kidney, and cancer cells, where phosphorylation prevents the glucose from being released again from the cell, once it has been absorbed....As a result FDG-PET can be used for diagnosis, staging, and monitoring treatment of cancers, particularly in Hodgkin's disease, non-Hodgkin's lymphoma, colorectal cancer, breast cancer, melanoma, and lung cancer. It has also been approved for use in diagnosing Alzheimer's disease. )wikipedia definitions

The care here has been wonderful, extremely supportive, inexpensive and efficient. I feel very fortunate that I was able to undergo all these tests and now have all the information that I need. Step by step.

the unfolding story

54th birthday

I have had overwhelming response to my first post, and I must say that I hesitated to start this because of,

1.} don't want to make a fuss

2} kinda scared of the outcome

3} maybe I am just filling peoples' inbox with too much...

4} blablabla excuses etc.

In review, this is the drama as it unfolded. I met an angel named Martine Vaugel (a brilliant sculptor) who convinced me to get myself checked and even became my surrogate mom, a friend, helping when I got lost in the language, and driving me to and fro.

Oct 1 the name day of St Michel (St. Michael.. I took it to be a good sign) I got the results of the biopsy, which revealed cancer cells on the neck of the cervix.

Oct 6 I had an MRI which revealed a tumor which the dr. cheerfully told us that it was good news, 4 cm and "operable"

At this point, I began juicing, raw food, I cut out meat, bread, sugar, dairy and cut down to one coffee in the morning, no alcohol.

Veggies and juice

I wrote in my journal," Here I am another day, a day of love, a day of play"

Oct 8 I got assistance from Social Services to pay for all the tests.

Oct 11 I dreamt of diseased masses of cells polished white.

Oct 18, 2009 a Sunday a full moon birthday I began my 54th year .

In this last year, I saw my father go to the other side, I healed a broken wrist and a broken relationship, finished eight months study with Ted Jacobs, began study with Gundula Jacobs, learned a hell of a lot about a lot of things, as well as landscape painting, rounding and endings, no sharp edges, look more, compare constantly, don't trust your first assumptions... was diagnosed with cervical cancer, I felt deep lonliness and found a deep love, painted a dog, a mask, a beautiful living being, and met many new loving friends.

Oct 19 I had the exploratory surgery that revealed a larger 6 cm tumor and the above definitions(first post).

Of course then the doubts set in and the depression as the name of the disease danced around in my head, doctors being very convincing about the need for chemo, radio etc

By Monday I felt stronger and more certain that I have chosen the right path, I cannot afford doubts or emotional dramas/conflicts. I am feeling quite well with my new diet and after two weeks I added some quinoa and millet because the weather here is so cold.

Started on MMS and got some Lysine and proline. I substituted chicory for half the coffee to wean myself. I actually like the taste of chicory and it is good for you.

I am feeling joyous and have a lot of faith in the process. Each day becomes precious and learning to truly care for myself and honor my body in it's temporary form. It has become a work in process. I am learning as I go. I found a few references of other women who chose to go the health route, who are happy and committed to a bright life. I found many many sites about chemo and pain and sadness.

So that is my story up until this Tuesday when I had what I consider to be my last test, a PET scan , the purpose being to see if there was infected ganglia and today I heard that there is none, the tumor has not metasticized, so good news.

Thanks for all the support!

This first post I send to my family and wish to thank all ....five sisters and a mother as well as my many sisters that did not grow up in my large warm household, but hold my hand and heart from wherever they are. To you my dear ones I send my deepest love and gratitude

Nov. 2, 2009

France

I have begun walking a new path, on my 54th birthday I was diagnosed with

epidermoid carcinoma (EH-pih-DUR-moyd KAR-sih-NOH-muh) .

Cancer that begins in squamous cells (thin, flat cells that look like fish scales). Squamous cells are found in the tissue that forms the surface of the skin, the lining of the hollow organs of the body, and the lining of the respiratory and digestive tracts. Also called squamous cell carcinoma. Squamous cell carcinoma (SCC) is the most common type of cervical cancer, accounting for 85% to 90% of all cases. It develops from the cells that line the inner part of the cervix, called the squamous cells. It usually begins where the part of the cervix that connects with the vagina (called the ectocervix) meets the part of the cervix that opens into the uterus (called the endocervix). These are the definitions that I have found. I have a tumor 6cm on the neck of the cervix It is "inoperable" because of the size. What does this mean? My life feels the same, but somehow something has shifted in my perceptions. Aware that my focus has to be on healing and understanding my options...well it is not the common cold or a virus it is the big "C" word! I am spending quite a lot of time researching the internet, thinking, asking questions. Of course there is the big rather selfish one" did I do something wrong?" this is not an option as what is, is. I must go from where I am right now. I can't go back and question the doctor that recommended birth control when I was 17. Read the small print "may cause cervical cancer" but I can put it in this blog and hope that someone may read it and change her mind about putting estrogen in her body that is not produced naturally! When I say selfish it is because this is not just about me. Daily women are being being cut, burned and radiated . Yesterday I had dinner with friends and one of the women had been diagnosed with breast cancer. I will keep a diary here of my path and perhaps some thoughts to share. I have decided to do this because when I did some research, I found only one website that was positive and gave me the impetus to seek alternative methods of healing. Whether readers think this is the right choice of not is not an issue for me, it is my choice.