River of Tears and a Veil of Light

After a diagnostic test, a day in the hospital, I have news that the tumor has spread to the bladder and is now stage IV.

I have been in quite a lot of pain due to the kidneys and am getting weaker. Each moment and each silly little thing in my life suddenly shines out; a teapot, a piece of clothing, how the light dances on the water and reflects in the leaves of the trees like so many fairies. How precious is the human life and how sweet its foibles.

Last night when I returned to my lovely home, I cried a river of tears. I cried for myself, for the unbearable pain, I cried for the knowledge that this body is breaking down, for my attachment to Mother Earth, for the sadness I am causing, for not understanding this disease and I am trying to embrace all the tears as deep love.

Like so many times when one is without hope and in the darkness, a light shines dimly through the fog of despair. A wonderful lady, an angel offered financial help. I am now in a clinic in Denmark called Humlegaarden ( http://www.humlegaarden.com/)

where I am receiving daily care and treatments. It is a five minute walk from the Baltic sea where the water is clear, small summer cottages line the road and sailboats grace the horizon.

More on this wonderful place in the next post.

Love to all and thank you for your prayers and loving energy!

Tanza

The Dance of Life

fresh raspberries in the morning,

a bouquet of roses and lavender from the garden,

the bright sun of mid summer

the source of all life

Rumours are circulating that the dance is nearly over...and yes I stood on the threshold but I am still here learning, living every day.

Paul arrived last week at a particularly difficult time for me and gracefully and generously (yes even Paul can be graceful)stepped into the role of caregiver for a week as I recovered, feeding me, making juices and lovely fruit dishes.

My roses are blooming deep pink after an exciting thunderstorm that touched our little village.

Morning sunrises wake me and I walk along the river, surprised by the myriad of lifeforms. One morning I startled a blue heron, today I am amazed by the varieties of butterflies and moths on the purple thistle.

Thank you for all your prayers and support.

"...The physical form is but a tiny condensation of a much greater form...

As our cells are part of a greater whole, the body, so are we the cells with in a greater body, the Earth. She in turn is but a cell within the greater whole."

GOD I AM

No fears, just joy, joy of living the la vita bella, le beau vie. Please dance for me and remember the origin of all things is love. Where we go, what we do is not as important as how we be.

BE simply present and enjoy!

Enjoy walking the grass barefoot, singing loudly in the car, laughing with friends. It IS all so simple. Life isn't meant to be complicated, we make it so.

I LOVE YOU Always and Forever,

Tanza